An instant message chat between my sister and I about our dogs

ok, I have to post this instant message chat that I saved between my sister and I. It's hilarious every time I go back and read it, probably mostly because it's about a dog that I gave to Nicole after not being able to handle 3 italian greyhounds and two human babies. Now let me warn you, the dog named Pasta, I gave to Nicole has always had a problem eating his own poo. It's gross, super gross... but it's just how he is. We often, lovingly refer to him as 'shit lips'.

Before you get to reading this lovely chat, let me clear a few names up so the story is a bit clearer. Pasta or Pas as we call him is the dog I gave to my sister Nicole. She also has another dog named Jackson, or J as she refers to him. Pretty Boy is also referenced and he is a dog I used to have, he was the BEST dog in the universe (don't argue with me on that one.. he was.. the BEST EVER) but he sadly passed away in 2001. And last but not least, Michael is my sister's husband.

Oh, there are a lot of spelling mistakes, but i think that's what happens when you're laughing so hard you can barely see the keys that your fingers should be typing on. I didn't bother fixing them because.. it's just the way it is. That should do it on explanations.... enjoy the chat:

Nicole Morrison (7:37 PM): booyah

Erin (7:37 PM): what did pas do?

Nicole Morrison (7:37 PM): oh. . . my god. . .

Erin (7:38 PM): what and when?

Nicole Morrison (7:38 PM): I came home. . played with them a bit

Nicole Morrison (7:38 PM): started reading my book

Nicole Morrison (7:38 PM): then. . .

Erin (7:38 PM): was this after i talked to you

Nicole Morrison (7:38 PM): yes!

Nicole Morrison (7:38 PM): then, I went into the bedroom to find both dogs on the bed. P asta was sitting up where my face lies.

Erin (7:38 PM): were they making love?

Nicole Morrison (7:39 PM): R ight in front of his mouth was a chunk of yellow- brown dog turd. . . . .

Nicole Morrison (7:39 PM): O N M Y S H E E T S !

Nicole Morrison (7:39 PM): where my face lies

Nicole Morrison (7:39 PM): smeared!

Erin (7:39 PM): O M G I " m laughing so hard right now. . . . talk about comic relief

Nicole Morrison (7:39 PM): like he was having a tasty snakc

Erin (7:39 PM): still laughing. . . the silent way

Nicole Morrison (7:39 PM): I was L I V I D .

Erin (7:39 PM): laughing harder

Nicole Morrison (7:39 PM): take him back!

Erin (7:39 PM): even hardernow

Erin (7:39 PM): can' t type

Erin (7:40 PM): the noise is coming

Nicole Morrison (7:40 PM): um, yeah.

Erin (7:40 PM): chest hurts

Erin (7:40 PM): can' t breathe

Nicole Morrison (7:40 PM): W hy did this dog bring a shit to my pillow? !!! A nd chew on it like a treat?

Nicole Morrison (7:40 PM): W T F !

Erin (7:40 PM): can' t stop.

Erin (7:40 PM): crying

Erin (7:41 PM): you probably have no idea how many times that' s happened in the past

Erin (7:41 PM): you just improved my stomach muscles

Erin (7:41 PM): still crying

Nicole Morrison (7:41 PM): I sn' t this horrible? I dont even know how to punish a dog for that? T hats like the worst offense ever. T otally disrepects me!

Erin (7:41 PM): all i can say is better you than me.

Nicole Morrison (7:41 PM): E xactly? H ow many shits have I slept in before?

Erin (7:41 PM): i' m silent laughing again

Nicole Morrison (7:42 PM): G lad your stomach muscles got a work out!

Erin (7:42 PM): what did michael say

Nicole Morrison (7:42 PM): I swear! I t' s never a normal day!

Erin (7:42 PM): where is pas now?

Nicole Morrison (7:42 PM): M ichael' s jaw dropped.

Erin (7:42 PM): what did he do when you saw him

Nicole Morrison (7:42 PM): H e was disgusted. he said, " give him back!

Erin (7:42 PM): N O _ - - what did pas do?

Nicole Morrison (7:43 PM): P as is chillin on the couch like nothing happening. S wooning me.

Erin (7:43 PM): what did j do? did he induldge too?

Erin (7:43 PM): is he looking at you with " those" eyes?

Nicole Morrison (7:43 PM): J laughed ( wagged his tail) the whole time! H e always does that when pas is in trouble!

Erin (7:43 PM): what did you do with the remainder of the turd?

Nicole Morrison (7:43 PM): P astas eyes? A ll twinkly?

Erin (7:44 PM): is he showing you the moons?

Nicole Morrison (7:44 PM): I picked the turd up in a toilet paper and threw it in the toilet. . the remaining smear got a shot of stain remover and was hoisted into the laubrey machine.

Nicole Morrison (7:44 PM): so N A S T Y .

Nicole Morrison (7:45 PM): D o your dogs ever do that?

Erin (7:45 PM): uh N O .

Erin (7:45 PM): that' s pasta' s thing

Nicole Morrison (7:45 PM): so gross! W hats a M orrison to do?

Erin (7:45 PM): my dogs just vomit on our legs in bed

Nicole Morrison (7:45 PM): eeew. T hats sick.

Nicole Morrison (7:45 PM): W hy do we put up with this?

Erin (7:46 PM): yeah, brian starts screaming obsenities in the middle of the night. . . when it typically happens.

Erin (7:46 PM): and it' s usually on him

Erin (7:46 PM): i have no idea . . it' s gross

Erin (7:46 PM): i think because they use the power of the eye to suck you back in

Erin (7:47 PM): i hate changing sheets at 3 in the morning

Erin (7:47 PM): will you always think of what was on your sheet near your face from now on every time you go to bed?

Nicole Morrison (7:47 PM): oh man - for reals?

Nicole Morrison (7:47 PM): probably.

Erin (7:47 PM): gross. i hope the stench doesn' t remain.

Nicole Morrison (7:47 PM): H ere he comes now

Nicole Morrison (7:48 PM): S hit lips himself!

Erin (7:48 PM): do you ever see his turd remnants on his teeth after he' s done snacking?

Erin (7:48 PM): i used to see that a lot with pas

Nicole Morrison (7:48 PM): ahhh, gross. I dont look. I can smell the shit every time he burps and it makes me dry heave every time!

Erin (7:48 PM): G R O S S . . . now i' m laughing again

Erin (7:49 PM): a shit burp?

Nicole Morrison (7:49 PM): Y ou know what I ' m talking about.

Erin (7:49 PM): disgusting

Erin (7:49 PM): does he still do rank ass farts?

Nicole Morrison (7:49 PM): yes? ! Y ou can' t tell me you never smelled it before.

Erin (7:49 PM): does the pink make you feel better?

Nicole Morrison (7:49 PM): I t' s worse than his farts. B rutal. Q uick. I n your face.

Nicole Morrison (7:49 PM): yes. P ink makes me feel cleaner.

Erin (7:50 PM): do you ever play breath ping pong?

Nicole Morrison (7:50 PM): gross! with P asta? I think not. A lthough he does like my morning breath.

Nicole Morrison (7:51 PM): where did you get that phrase? " breath ping pong" N ow I want to vomit.

Erin (7:51 PM): brian and i used to do that with pretty boy. his breath was so bad that whenever he burped or breathed for that matter we would blow in eachothers face. . . . back and forth until the stench dissolved into the air

Nicole Morrison (7:51 PM): gross. T hats a sick game.

Nicole Morrison (7:52 PM): I can only imagine how fun it was.

Erin (7:52 PM): it was a game of stench

Erin (7:52 PM): real. let me tell you how much i miss it

Nicole Morrison (7:52 PM): I think I will save P as' s shit burp in a jar and bring to you in dallas

Erin (7:52 PM): do it. but give it to brian instead.

Nicole Morrison (7:52 PM): what if it held the cure for cancer?

Erin (7:53 PM): maybe you could send it into science. donate , you know

Nicole Morrison (7:53 PM): yeah, they might see it as a threat. I t' s equivelant to an atomic bomb.

Nicole Morrison (7:53 PM): whats up with my spelling tonight? I t' s suffering.

Erin (7:54 PM): yes. it is. i' m still smiling. big