3 dogs? Hell NO!

This story cracks me up. Amy has to clean up pee and poop inside the house just about as much as I do and that's on top of having to change diapers on her two kids. Really now, a third dog was even a consideration?... really??????

Jamie came home from doing errands and said he almost got a dog b/c they were having a big puppy sale at the garden store, so then we began a conversation at dinner about why we should and shouldn't get one, and then Scout took a big dump right in front of us at the dinner table and the conversation ended.

Pasta NEVER fails to entertain

Trust me, Pasta is NOT, i repeat, is NOT abused. He is lovingly looked after, but just never boring. He likes the attention on him.... I'll let Nicole tell you the story:

Here’s a doozy of a story for ya. It involves my Italian Greyhound, Pasta, A.K.A. “Stinkface.” Let me begin by setting the scene for you. It was early October…leaves are starting to fall, the air was crisp, and I was still getting used to our new member of the family, 3 week-old baby Beck. So, let’s just say everything was rosy.
Then one night as I sit watching tv, I notice something unusual as I glance over to the far corner of the couch where Pasta sits curled up in a circle. Something wasn’t quite right. At first, I thought I was merely seeing a shadow cast upon Pasta’s face. It wasn’t until I call Pasta’s name to get a better look that I saw what appeared to be a growing bubble on the right side of Pasta’s face. That’s weird, I thought. So, being that it’s Friday, and the vet is closed, I give Pasta some Benedryl and went to sleep. Over the weekend, I noticed the bubble had grown a bit, but nothing to freak out about yet. Well, come Monday night as I watch Dancing With the Stars, something catches my eye. You guessed it – it was Pasta’s GIANT face. This time Pasta looked like a MONSTER. He was deformed like the Elephant Man. I couldn’t stand the site any longer. I had to bring him in.
So, that night, my husband brought Pasta to the vet and let them stick a little needle into that giant blob on his face to aspirate whatever goodies lie inside. The Dr. thought “Stinkface” had an abscess near one of his molar teeth. (Do dog’s even have molars?) Anyway, it was decided that the next morning Pasta would be put under anesthesia to have his teeth cleaned, and that molar tooth pulled. Supposedly, the abscess would drain out of the socket in Pasta’s mouth.
Pasta spent the whole next day at the vet. I must say I was really looking forward to Pasta having less stinkbreath, pearly whites, and no facial deformities. Well, Michael brought Pasta home that night and unfortunately, he still had a giant face...I guess the swelling doesn’t go away that fast. The next night while my mother was in town visiting, she says to me. “Nicole......... Pasta’s face!” I turn to look at Pasta and sure enough, Pasta’s face had exploded. That’s right, I said EXPLODED. Instead of the blood and pus and nastiness draining inside of Pasta’s mouth, it came out that tiny hole where fluid was aspirated a few days before. And, it was gushing! It wouldn’t stop. To make matters worse, Pasta kept scratching his exploded face. Blood was everywhere! All over his face. All over the kitchen floor. Drops of blood on the carpet. And, of course anywhere his bloody paw hit the ground. Meanwhile, the baby is screaming in my arms. I am furious. My mother is shocked and trying to figure out what to do. What do I do first? Well, a few obscenities slipped out first(cussing in my loudest whisper of course!), and then the clean-up began.
There was nothing that would stop the bleeding from his face. Not a bandaid. Not guaze. Nothing. So, Pasta remained in the kitchen while we just let the blood dry on his face. I know, sounds disgusting. That’s because it is. He survived. He had some hair loss at the site of the injury, but now the hair is back and he looks 100% handsome.
Yup. Just another day for Pasta.

Hunter does the inexcusable on Amy's head

This is supposedly the 'good' dog at Amy's house... I believe your opinion will quickly change after you read this:

Hunter, T, as Jack calls him was a dog Jamie and I picked out together from operation kindness right after we got married. This story happened several years ago before we had kids. Jamie came into our marriage with his annoying dog Scout so I tried to make Hunter my dog. I would put my sweaty t-shirts in his cage when we were gone so he would like me the best. Hunter drank some standing water outside and apparently got some kind of parasite. We were sleeping that evening and Hunter's stomach was making some noises but we all just kept sleeping. I guess he really didn't feel well so he came over to the person he liked best, me, and curled up right above my head. I woke up to warm, stinky, dripping diarrhea falling down my head. Hunter remained there and continued to go. I yelled to Jamie trying to wake him up b/c I was afraid to move. Jamie slowly woke up and when he realized what was happening, he jumped up out of bed and grabbed Hunter to take him outside to finish his business outside. I was still frozen not knowing what to do and sort of trying to figure out if this was really happening. I had warm watery diarrhea dripping down my face. Jamie came back and tried to help me to the shower without letting the diarrhea fall all over the floor. That's what I get for making him my dog.

This Dog is BAD to the bone

I'm laughing already because i owned this dog once upon a time before i so casually pawned him off on my sister, Nicole:). You see, Pasta has this face you fall in love with and he's soooo lovable, he's one of the most friendly dogs ever. What you don't know until you own him is that he comes with a major set of baggage. This dog has a few issues and Nicole will be sharing them all with you for sure...in due time.. .in due time. Anyway, I believe the little story she tells here is from this week. He he he... have fun reading and enjoy the laugh!

Ladies and gentlemen, meet Pasta…Toni Pasta. While he may be smooth and good-looking like James Bond, he has thousands of skeletons in his closet. He is a baaaaad boy. As background, Pasta often goes by the nickname “Stinkface” or “Sh!tlips” (if you’re really mad), and you can use your imagination to guess why. He is often seen exiting the scene of a crime in a stealth-like manner.
Pasta commits crimes on a daily basis. For example, today when I ran outside to drop a letter in the mailbox down the street, Pasta took this time to do something really vile. He took the liberty of snatching a dirty diaper I literally just took off my newborn and shredded it to pieces…making sure to embed the diaper particles mixed with yellow poop deep into the baby room carpet. Gross. After my discovery, I brought “Stinkface” to the scene of the crime and in my loudest whisper (so as not to wake the baby), I cuss up a storm. Then, I abruptly lead Pasta to solitary confinement. What a jerk.
More to come on Pasta…the worst is yet to be shared. If you don’t believe me, here’s some reassurance: Pasta used to live with Toni and Francis.

An instant message chat between my sister and I about our dogs

ok, I have to post this instant message chat that I saved between my sister and I. It's hilarious every time I go back and read it, probably mostly because it's about a dog that I gave to Nicole after not being able to handle 3 italian greyhounds and two human babies. Now let me warn you, the dog named Pasta, I gave to Nicole has always had a problem eating his own poo. It's gross, super gross... but it's just how he is. We often, lovingly refer to him as 'shit lips'.

Before you get to reading this lovely chat, let me clear a few names up so the story is a bit clearer. Pasta or Pas as we call him is the dog I gave to my sister Nicole. She also has another dog named Jackson, or J as she refers to him. Pretty Boy is also referenced and he is a dog I used to have, he was the BEST dog in the universe (don't argue with me on that one.. he was.. the BEST EVER) but he sadly passed away in 2001. And last but not least, Michael is my sister's husband.

Oh, there are a lot of spelling mistakes, but i think that's what happens when you're laughing so hard you can barely see the keys that your fingers should be typing on. I didn't bother fixing them because.. it's just the way it is. That should do it on explanations.... enjoy the chat:

Nicole Morrison (7:37 PM): booyah

Erin (7:37 PM): what did pas do?

Nicole Morrison (7:37 PM): oh. . . my god. . .

Erin (7:38 PM): what and when?

Nicole Morrison (7:38 PM): I came home. . played with them a bit

Nicole Morrison (7:38 PM): started reading my book

Nicole Morrison (7:38 PM): then. . .

Erin (7:38 PM): was this after i talked to you

Nicole Morrison (7:38 PM): yes!

Nicole Morrison (7:38 PM): then, I went into the bedroom to find both dogs on the bed. P asta was sitting up where my face lies.

Erin (7:38 PM): were they making love?

Nicole Morrison (7:39 PM): R ight in front of his mouth was a chunk of yellow- brown dog turd. . . . .

Nicole Morrison (7:39 PM): O N M Y S H E E T S !

Nicole Morrison (7:39 PM): where my face lies

Nicole Morrison (7:39 PM): smeared!

Erin (7:39 PM): O M G I " m laughing so hard right now. . . . talk about comic relief

Nicole Morrison (7:39 PM): like he was having a tasty snakc

Erin (7:39 PM): still laughing. . . the silent way

Nicole Morrison (7:39 PM): I was L I V I D .

Erin (7:39 PM): laughing harder

Nicole Morrison (7:39 PM): take him back!

Erin (7:39 PM): even hardernow

Erin (7:39 PM): can' t type

Erin (7:40 PM): the noise is coming

Nicole Morrison (7:40 PM): um, yeah.

Erin (7:40 PM): chest hurts

Erin (7:40 PM): can' t breathe

Nicole Morrison (7:40 PM): W hy did this dog bring a shit to my pillow? !!! A nd chew on it like a treat?

Nicole Morrison (7:40 PM): W T F !

Erin (7:40 PM): can' t stop.

Erin (7:40 PM): crying

Erin (7:41 PM): you probably have no idea how many times that' s happened in the past

Erin (7:41 PM): you just improved my stomach muscles

Erin (7:41 PM): still crying

Nicole Morrison (7:41 PM): I sn' t this horrible? I dont even know how to punish a dog for that? T hats like the worst offense ever. T otally disrepects me!

Erin (7:41 PM): all i can say is better you than me.

Nicole Morrison (7:41 PM): E xactly? H ow many shits have I slept in before?

Erin (7:41 PM): i' m silent laughing again

Nicole Morrison (7:42 PM): G lad your stomach muscles got a work out!

Erin (7:42 PM): what did michael say

Nicole Morrison (7:42 PM): I swear! I t' s never a normal day!

Erin (7:42 PM): where is pas now?

Nicole Morrison (7:42 PM): M ichael' s jaw dropped.

Erin (7:42 PM): what did he do when you saw him

Nicole Morrison (7:42 PM): H e was disgusted. he said, " give him back!

Erin (7:42 PM): N O _ - - what did pas do?

Nicole Morrison (7:43 PM): P as is chillin on the couch like nothing happening. S wooning me.

Erin (7:43 PM): what did j do? did he induldge too?

Erin (7:43 PM): is he looking at you with " those" eyes?

Nicole Morrison (7:43 PM): J laughed ( wagged his tail) the whole time! H e always does that when pas is in trouble!

Erin (7:43 PM): what did you do with the remainder of the turd?

Nicole Morrison (7:43 PM): P astas eyes? A ll twinkly?

Erin (7:44 PM): is he showing you the moons?

Nicole Morrison (7:44 PM): I picked the turd up in a toilet paper and threw it in the toilet. . the remaining smear got a shot of stain remover and was hoisted into the laubrey machine.

Nicole Morrison (7:44 PM): so N A S T Y .

Nicole Morrison (7:45 PM): D o your dogs ever do that?

Erin (7:45 PM): uh N O .

Erin (7:45 PM): that' s pasta' s thing

Nicole Morrison (7:45 PM): so gross! W hats a M orrison to do?

Erin (7:45 PM): my dogs just vomit on our legs in bed

Nicole Morrison (7:45 PM): eeew. T hats sick.

Nicole Morrison (7:45 PM): W hy do we put up with this?

Erin (7:46 PM): yeah, brian starts screaming obsenities in the middle of the night. . . when it typically happens.

Erin (7:46 PM): and it' s usually on him

Erin (7:46 PM): i have no idea . . it' s gross

Erin (7:46 PM): i think because they use the power of the eye to suck you back in

Erin (7:47 PM): i hate changing sheets at 3 in the morning

Erin (7:47 PM): will you always think of what was on your sheet near your face from now on every time you go to bed?

Nicole Morrison (7:47 PM): oh man - for reals?

Nicole Morrison (7:47 PM): probably.

Erin (7:47 PM): gross. i hope the stench doesn' t remain.

Nicole Morrison (7:47 PM): H ere he comes now

Nicole Morrison (7:48 PM): S hit lips himself!

Erin (7:48 PM): do you ever see his turd remnants on his teeth after he' s done snacking?

Erin (7:48 PM): i used to see that a lot with pas

Nicole Morrison (7:48 PM): ahhh, gross. I dont look. I can smell the shit every time he burps and it makes me dry heave every time!

Erin (7:48 PM): G R O S S . . . now i' m laughing again

Erin (7:49 PM): a shit burp?

Nicole Morrison (7:49 PM): Y ou know what I ' m talking about.

Erin (7:49 PM): disgusting

Erin (7:49 PM): does he still do rank ass farts?

Nicole Morrison (7:49 PM): yes? ! Y ou can' t tell me you never smelled it before.

Erin (7:49 PM): does the pink make you feel better?

Nicole Morrison (7:49 PM): I t' s worse than his farts. B rutal. Q uick. I n your face.

Nicole Morrison (7:49 PM): yes. P ink makes me feel cleaner.

Erin (7:50 PM): do you ever play breath ping pong?

Nicole Morrison (7:50 PM): gross! with P asta? I think not. A lthough he does like my morning breath.

Nicole Morrison (7:51 PM): where did you get that phrase? " breath ping pong" N ow I want to vomit.

Erin (7:51 PM): brian and i used to do that with pretty boy. his breath was so bad that whenever he burped or breathed for that matter we would blow in eachothers face. . . . back and forth until the stench dissolved into the air

Nicole Morrison (7:51 PM): gross. T hats a sick game.

Nicole Morrison (7:52 PM): I can only imagine how fun it was.

Erin (7:52 PM): it was a game of stench

Erin (7:52 PM): real. let me tell you how much i miss it

Nicole Morrison (7:52 PM): I think I will save P as' s shit burp in a jar and bring to you in dallas

Erin (7:52 PM): do it. but give it to brian instead.

Nicole Morrison (7:52 PM): what if it held the cure for cancer?

Erin (7:53 PM): maybe you could send it into science. donate , you know

Nicole Morrison (7:53 PM): yeah, they might see it as a threat. I t' s equivelant to an atomic bomb.

Nicole Morrison (7:53 PM): whats up with my spelling tonight? I t' s suffering.

Erin (7:54 PM): yes. it is. i' m still smiling. big

I'm NOT alone with this dog thing!

So, I realize I'm not alone with all the pet antics that I live on a daily basis. My friends and family tell me stories ALL the time and I love to hear them. It makes me feel happy I'm not alone living in a looney bin. Below is a little experience my good friend just had the other day. This was the day of her baby's christening. As you probably know, dogs don't care how much of a special day or moment you are having... they'll go about their daily business as usual! Oh, and just so it makes sense: Scout and Hunter are her dogs.

I put Hunter up for the lunch at our house after the christening but kept Scout out and right before all 16 of us were going to gather in a circle and say grace before eating, Scout takes a HUGE dump in the middle of everyone and of course EVERYONE points out that "your dog is pooping on the floor!" like it was unusual. We were like, ahh happens daily. I'm sure they are very impressed.

Clothes Rack

Sometimes I'm just too lazy to put the hangers back in the closet, so they end up on Francis. She obliges just fine. Actually, this was Brady's doing and he thought it was way hilarious. I kind of thought it was funny too... probably because she just left a gigantic poop at the top of our stairwell after i had let her out. So typical....I do believe I clean pee or poo daily. Oh yeah, and I clean vomit too. That reminds me... a couple of weeks ago, I started getting these horrible chest pains and literally thought i was having a heart attack. I had my sister come over to take me to the hospital and before i left i went upstairs to use the restroom. I bet you can imagine what's coming next... yep, as I'm barely moving because of my chest pain, I have to gingerly step over 3 spots of dog vomit to use the toilet. Can't anything just be easy???? Not with dogs... they like to keep it interesting, that's for sure. Oh and in case you were wondering... not a heart attack... apparently my heart is just fine... i think it was a pleurisy caused from this month long cold i had.

peeeeeee always peeeeeeeeee

I'd have a picture of the puddle of pee... but this incident occurred around 4:30am and oddly enough, i just wasn't camera ready. brian said he woke up to the tapping sound of toni's nails on the floor and then he heard: psssssssssssssssss.....pssssss......pssssssssssssss....psssssssssss...psssss. Gross. Yep, just our lovely, Toni peeing on our bathroom floor. So, that was the way Brian woke up and then I woke up to bright lights, a little cussing, and cleaning spray stench filling my nostrils as i tried to pretend it wasn't happening. If it's not one of our boys waking us up in the night, the dogs will surely fill in for them.

Birdseed

right.........., so today i made bird feeders with the kids. A little peanut butter on a pine cone and then lots of birdseed on top. Well, with a 22 mo old and a 3yr old, lots of seed gets spilled on the patio. Let me warn you.... birdseed is apparently not digested by dogs.... well, not by italian greyhounds anyway. Tonight i found birdseed vomit and poop all over my house and Brian had the lovely opportunity to step in it. good times.

Sad News

Well, with all the hilarity of dog antics, I have to pause for a second to relay some heavyhearted news. Brian went to take Toni into the vet this past Sat. for his follow up appointment and he was greeted at the door with very sad news. Our wonderful vet, Dr. Riddle, passed away last Thursday.
We've been bringing our dogs to Dr. Riddle for over 9 years now and he's been so good to the dogs. He did his job very well, the animals liked him and so did we. We'll miss him and thank him for keeping our animals healthy over the years.