More Drama

So, this is the deal. Mo drama, Mo drama, Mo drama. Here's the story, same song, second verse, a little less pornographic, but a whole lot worse. I'm coming home from the local pool today with our two boys and I get a call from Brian. Brian was working from home today so he could watch the kids as i ran to my dr's appt this afternoon. Here's our phone call:
Brian: are you coming home soon?
Me: Yes, I'm on my way, why?
Brian: I was just sitting here on the couch working and I looked over at Toni to see this huge gash on his leg.
Me: What? From what? How?
Brian: I have no idea, but it's huge and bloody and gross.
Me: Is there blood every where? Is he crying?
Brian: Just a few drops of blood on the couch
Me: How did this happen?
Brian: No idea, but i need to take him to the vet
Me: Well, go, just go, hurry though because I've got to leave for my dr's appt in 45 minutes.

So, I get home, Brian's still there and I see Toni's leg. DIS GUSTING. It's bloody and raw and to me looks like his flesh is just being eaten away by a terrible flesh eating disease, so I tell Brian to take him NOW. Meanwhile at home I'm searching the house for rotting flesh and blood, but can't find anything but the blood on the couch. Obviously i clean it up quickly, then throw a blanket on top in fear my kids will catch this disgusting, horrible virus. Brian calls and tells me vet is closed for lunch hour. I direct him to another one, he makes it, basically drops off the dog so he can rush home and watch the kids so I can go to the Dr. The vet won't do anything until we come back and sign our lives and $ away.

Ok, on the way back from my dr's appt, (which went well thank you! Baby #3 is squirming around happily) I stop at the vet to get the story on Toni. I'm so kindly escorted back to a room where the vet and his assistant proceed to tell me that Toni somehow received two lacerations on his ankle area and it needs suturing, which in turn requires general anesthesia. General anesthesia on a dog 13 or 14 years old requires all sorts of lab work... so throw that on the bill too. THEN, we had a nice little conversation that went a little something like this:
Vet: I don't like black masses on dogs.
Me: What, you mean the thing on his back? He's had that forEVER and he's been fine.(i fail to mention that we usually just cover the black, oozing, bloody wart up with a spongebob bandaide)
Vet: Well, I'll just get rid of it while he's under the anesthesia.
Me: What will that cost?
Vet: There won't be any charge.
Me: (this is just my thought bubble: seriously? this is completely unnecessary. The last time I took my dog to a vet to have a wart removed, he died within 6 months.)
Vet: Do you ever notice an odor coming from your dog's mouth?
Me: You mean that 'rot' smell? Um, yeah, he has horrible breath, but we don't get his teeth done anymore because the last time we had his teeth cleaned and pulled, Toni's jaw broke in 4 directions and he had pins in it for 8 weeks. (another thought bubble here: not to mention it took us a solid year to pay that crap off)
Vet: I'm just gonna scrape some tartar off his teeth while he's under anesthesia too.
Me: We don't want teeth pulled.
Vet: I don't 'plan' on pulling any teeth.
Me: What's the charge for that?
Vet: No extra charge

Ok, so then the assistant goes over the charges and gives me a F***ing range for the total cost.
I almost passed out. The cost will be anywhere from $706 to $886 depending on how the surgery goes and what they have to do. Ok, so, I'm due with our 3rd baby in a few months and we do NOT have this kind of $. I ask about payment plans- and i hear No. The assistant asks me to sign and initial 3 papers so they can get the 'go ahead' for this ridiculously expensive suturing. I just sit there in silence for a minute- literally, crickets were chirping- at least in my head. I say, "That's a HUGE chunk of unexpected cash to pay."
Their response was more silence. Finally, after a minute or two, the assistant says, well, if you don't get it done, it's so large that it will get infected and that would be worse. I'm thinking to myself ...now would that really be worse? The big man upstairs may so graciously call our Toni to come join Pretty Boy up under the rainbow bridge to run and play and save his owners some serious cash.
Whatever, I finally signed the papers, trying to figure out how we are going to pay in a few hours because deep within, you know i secretly love Toni. Their last words to me before I walk out the door were "We'll take really good care of Toni and will call the minute he wakes up, but don't hesitate to call before if you want to."
I just sort of smiled and said bye.
I know they were thinking what a horrible dog parent I was because I never once asked how Toni was doing or pleaded with them to take good care, but honestly, I was just trying to cope with the amount of Money we were about to lose.

Around 5pm we get the call that Toni survived, but surprise, surprise lost a few teeth when they cleaned the tartar off.

Now, Toni sits in his bed tongue hanging out of his mouth because he has no teeth and sutures on his back from the removed black mass and sutures on his leg from the bewildering lacerations.
I'm tired.