Is today the beginning of the end?

Honestly, I don't even know where to begin. How and where do I start? Ok, this is the deal. Toni, our 12 yr old Italian Greyhound has been shaking his head in that way you know his ears hurt. This isn't the first day he's been doing it, nor the first week..., but look, I've got 2 boys under the age of 4 and the dogs have to be second... sorry, but all you moms and dads out there understand that. Anyway, like I said, Toni has been shaking his ears and yes, I've had random blood drop sightings throughout the past week. Dis Gusting. that's right, I said Blood drops. I'm getting ill thinking of it. There has been blood in our bed, on the floor, on the wall, on the pillow, and get this, one night my husband was so tired he just turned the pillow over and went to sleep. Another weird thing, Toni started following me around yesterday even when the boys were with me which is rare because he's freakin' scared of the boys (even though they are nice to him- they LOVE the dogs). And, One more thing, Toni Stinks.. but hell, he always stinks and then, this morning, I happened to be sitting in my youngest son's room and the sunlight catches the nasty inside of Toni's left ear. It was at this very moment I knew my life had just gotten a little bit more complicated and totally gross. I immediately tell Brian that we HAVE to make a vet appointment TODAY. So a couple of hours later, it's appointment time, I have to take our son, Brady, to soccer tots and Brian drops our other child off at gramma's so he can take Toni to the vet. This is the conversation that takes place when we're all at home again following the vet visit.
it goes a little something like this:
brian: "so, the vet looked at Toni's ears and they're caked with earwax and infection."
erin: "yeah, i knew that."
brian: "you're not going to like this."
erin: "what?"
brian: "you're going to have to flush his ears out with earwax removal, then massage it around.
erin: "i can't do that, he'll scream that scream he does anytime you get close to his ears on a good day."
brian: "then you have to flush his ear hole out with this medicine. The vet said we should do it outside because all the earwax is going to come flying out."
erin: "did the vet already do the first round?"
brian: "no, because he said my car would be filthy with earwax gunk by the time we got home."
erin: "so, what am i suppose to do... wear a raincoat?"
brian: "the vet also looked over the rest of toni, you know... all his fat deposits." erin: "is he ok?"
brian: "you're really not going to like this. The vet looked at his penis"
erin: "gross, what did he say?" "wait, is this a joke?"
brian: "not a joke. he said his penis is dry."
erin: " that's sick, what are you talking about?"
brian: "this is the reason his pink hangs out all the time."
erin: "i'm going to throw up."
brian: "the vet told me you wouldn't like this next part."
erin: "was he laughing? did he just talk about Toni's penis like it was normal every day business?"
brian: "no, he wasn't laughing, he said you need to get a lotion with aloe and vitamin E in it and massage it in to the tip of his penis every day."
erin: "are you kidding me?"
brian: "I'm serious, he said you could use a glove because you probably wouldn't want to use your bare hand."
erin: "you think? what happens if i don't do it? does his pink just stay out forever?"
brian: "the vet said it would shrivel up and he might have to amputate it and you don't want to deal with an amputated penis, it causes a lot of problems."
erin: "is this a joke?"
brian: "no"

ok, so our dog, Toni, went in to have his ears checked and he came out with directions for me to massage the tip of his penis with lotion every day or else it might have to be amputated. I know you think i'm joking, because i thought it was a joke too. This is my life with dogs. The stories keep coming.... they never end... just when i think i've dealt with the worst of it, the dogs show me i have NO idea. I Know the dogs are in on some plot to knock me down. They've been jealous ever since the kids arrived and apparently it's time for payback and now they have me on my knees beggin' for mercy. god help me.